Not Gonna Lie...

Roseanne Barr- You Blew My Mind

In mindless manner, I was catching up on the Times 100 Most Influential people when I came to # 71 George Clooney. I was about to hit “next” because I already knew of his talents as an actor, as well as his dedication to helping the situations in Darfur, however when I saw that Roseanne Barr had written the 300 words that followed, my mind went huh? And I had to read on.

I admit I know little about Barr and where her career has taken her after she left that hideous living room set, and nasty back-talking family that many of us fell in love with (I’m still perplexed as to why, but we did). In fact, the last thing I had heard about Roseanne Barr was that she intentionally massacred the National Anthem in a comedic effort that was less than humorous. 

 So why did I stop to blog about the 300 words that she had written? Because she wrote this about Clooney when describing his acting abilities, “he plays it all so, ‘south of snob, and north of slob.’” Pardon while I pick my jaw up from the floor for a second time.

 Roseanne Barr, the queen of rude, crude, loud, selfish, and above all crass, just identified exactly what Emily Post etiquette is all about. “South of snob, north of slob.” My mind was temporarily blown at this connection. What connection? You ask? And I’m not surprised you’re asking. Maybe people associate Emily Post with high society, and a ridiculous rule book for how to maneuver one’s way through it while climbing ever higher.  

 While Emily was immersed in and surrounded by high society, she furthered its desire to include her by becoming the authority on how to handle interactions with others. Emily herself detested the snobbery that often came in such circles. She wrote about it, and how it came off as insincere and often belittling. In fact, Emily’s book was meant for all people. She never asked for people to change who they were. She never “required” people to be of a certain standing to interact with her (or anyone else for that matter). What she advised was that a person should use what they know, the small things (eye contact, a friendly hello, interest in others) to show consideration, respect and honesty to all they encounter. In short, stay clear of being a snob, and above being a slob, and you’ll be ok.     

Valentine's Day Thoughts

Valentine’s Day is next week, and this brings to mind that there are very mixed feelings about this special day. Some people love it (no pun) and couldn’t be happier to have a whole day to celebrate their love for the people around them. Others look at it as a holiday only for couples, a holiday that makes those who aren’t in a couple feel bad. Some people like to keep their plans private, others like to share them with the world. And still, some use the day of love as a way to get that first date with someone potentially special. 

 Here’s my advice:

 Don’t flaunt your plans (either before or after they have happened). While I’m sure your co-workers and friends are happy for you, gloating could make them feel unsatisfied with their own situation or plans. If someone asks, feel free to share what happened or what you plan to do, but be modest.

 For those who aren’t in relationships, try to think of it not as a day that alienates those who are single, but instead, a day to spread a little something special around to those you do love: family and friends. 

 If you do try to get a first date with someone on Valentines be sure that you think the other person would feel comfortable having a first date on a special day. Some might consider it romantic and thoughtful, even within just a friendship. Others might consider it to be too forward and too intimate to have a first date on a holiday that celebrates love. Asking casually by saying something like, “Jenn, I was thinking maybe you’d like to join me for dinner on Valentine’s.” If you want to soften it, adding something like, “something low-key” or, “It’s a good day to be with friends,” could be just the trick that takes the seriousness out of it.

  Whatever your plans, I hope that you’ve started preparing for them now, because next week you never know what could come up, and it’s always best to be prepared ahead of time! 

Rue 57 -- A Stranger's Delight

Now some people dread going out to eat alone. Not me, I relish in it. And not in that French “I’m alone and enjoying my loneliness, go away,” or “Look at me, I can handle being on my own.” sort of way. I enjoy it because of the strangers I meet.

Now, some places you go in, sit at the bar, and not a soul acknowledges you. That’s fine, but other places, you go in armed with a smile, an introduction, and the phrase “pardon me,” and you’d be amazed at the time you’re in for. Such was a night at Rue 57.

Ya know, it’s amazing what happens when you use some of the simplest manners you’ve been taught. When I was in NYC last month on business I decided to head down to Rue 57 for dinner at my father’s recommendation. I’m a sucker for a steak house. The bar was packed! Crap. I thought, this could take a while. So I waited and waited. The bartender gave me a nod and I said I’d be having dinner once I found a seat. I noticed at the end of the bar there was an open chair with a coat draped over it. Plucking up the courage, I squeezed my way over and asked the group around it, “I’m sorry, but are any of you using or saving this seat?” A handsome, tall gentleman responded by lifting his coat off of it and saying, “By all means take a seat.” (Note: this is the start of a conversation, or at least a potential one. If you’re friendly and inquisitive at this point, the other person will know you’re open for a chat. If you’re closed off and turn to your menu immediately, they’ll know to leave you alone.) “Why thank you, it’s so packed, I really appreciate it.” This was Chad, who lived in the building, and ordered a burger. He was out with Michael and Nancy (his neighbors) and their baby boy, Carter. Along with a couple other friends, they joined me in conversation and drinks, and really made me feel quite welcome in “their” bar.

There was another woman who was hoping to sit for dinner as well. She kept trying to tell Nancy (who was holding Carter in her arms and resting on the stool next to me) that she’d like Nancy’s seat. Let me think here…woman…baby…Oh of course I’ll ask her for her seat! If only we could all be so logical.

I had a delightful time with these folks and really appreciated the conversation and light-hearted nature they brought to my evening. And I have to say, little Carter, who turns one next week, was the most well behaved baby I’d ever seen—he even slept while all the buzz of the restaurant and bar went on around him. I truly enjoy these kinds of evenings; you never know who you’ll meet. But by being armed with my etiquette to start, I was confident, and that’s all it takes. For more on the crew I met that night please look at the photo album titled “Rue 57”. 

Hellacious Hair Days

The other day I got asked in an interview, “What should you do if your long term hair stylist messes up, or doesn’t give you a style you like?” The next week I went to my hair stylist (who it should be known is also a close friend) and she accidentally dyed some of my highlights purple! (The answer by the way is you can talk to her about it, try something like “Kate, I really love what you’ve done in the past but this isn’t exactly the look I was hoping for.” She’ll help you get to where you want to be.)

I didn’t have to say anything my stylist was mortified on her own, and insistent on fixing the problem. She was also extremely professional by correcting the mistake as soon as possible and in the best way possible to keep my hair from frying with all the chemicals. I actually found the entire situation hilarious, which she said helped put her at ease as she continued to remedy my lightly purple-hued head. 

Here’s what I learned from the experience: 1. There is no use in getting upset. When a clear mistake has happened, your stylist knows it. And a good one won’t try and pass it off as avant-garde. She knows that there’s a chance you could take your business elsewhere. Yelling or tears will only make her more nervous or even upset with you for getting so mad when she clearly knows it was a mistake and is taking measures to fix it. 2. Discuss a plan of action to fix the problem, this will get both of you thinking of the solution rather than the mistake, and be prepared for the fact that it may take a little longer than you expected. 3. Tip. If this is a stylist you do want to see again, and has handled the situation well, by all means tip. Especially if only one aspect of the session was flubbed. In my case the hair cut was great and the rest of the highlights were good too, it was just this one round of highlights that didn’t work. However when you go in for your “fix it” appointment you should neither be charged nor do you need to tip, unless you’d like to.

 Some situations will be different, and understandably more upsetting (couldn’t you just imagine if the chemicals caused your hair to fall out!!! EEEEK!!) But it is so rare that this would happen intentionally that your best bet is to focus on moving forward. Your stylist will want to rebuild your confidence in her, and if this has been a long standing relationship I suggest you give her the chance.

Apologies

My apologies to you all.  I have been away on business and very busy this week which why I hadn't posted in a while.  I should have something up for you this afternoon!  Thanks for understanding- Lizzie

The Posts Get Called Out

So last Saturday was most pleasurable. As Cass and I ate a yummy breakfast scramble at my place, we decided it was definitely a day for the Post family pool. Suits packed. Road hit.

 

We got out to the house and my dad was just about to head out to mow the field on his treasured John Deere tractor. (The real thing, a large green field-cutting machine.)  At the word “tractor,” Cass sealed the deal with my father by asking if he could see it. I didn’t even have to look. I knew my dad was overjoyed to talk tractors. Having two daughters and being one of only two men at our office, guy bonding and big machinery are big on his list of things to be happy about. I also knew that Cass was now held in a special light in my Dad’s eyes. This positioned him well for a comment he was to make later in the day.

 So after talking machinery, Cass joined my mother and I in the kitchen where he experienced me, 32 years in the future. “You two are exactly alike! I can’t get over it. I know exactly where LP gets it all now. Her giggle, her hand gestures, everything!”

Down to the pool we all go.   Not to long after, Dad was finished with the field and joined us as my sister, Anna, pulled up in her silver Volvo. Cass and Anna know each other already from being parking neighbors in their lot. We enjoyed the warm late summer day by busily chatting, a Post family favorite pastime. As conversation whirred and we all tried to keep up, Cass brought to light one of the greatest dysfunction  of my family, “You guys all finish each other’s sentences.”

Now it wasn’t really acknowledged at the time although all of us heard it, and knew it was true. But last night when Mum, Dad and I were sitting around the kitchen, Dad brought up Cass’s observation. And sure enough, within the next 20 minutes of conversation we had all done it to each other, noticed it, and couldn’t stop laughing about it! While finishing other’s sentences is rude, incredibly presumptuous, and selfish, it happens. We were lucky enough to have an outsider (with good humor) point it out to us.

 Sometimes you just need to get called out on something so that you actually start recognizing how to make it stop. Most often, refining etiquette has so much to do with the delivery. Cass brought our bad etiquette to light, but in a way that was observational and non-accusatory. I hope we all keep it in mind. Mum is so cute, lately she’s been stopping herself mid-sentence and saying “Sorry- you finish.”   

Conversation Last Night

Last night, a friend asked me, “Do you feel a lot of pressure being an etiquette expert?”

“No.” I replied. 

“Yeah, but I mean you represent the right way to do things, so what happens when you do them wrong?” 

“Same thing that happens to everyone else, I hopefully realize it, and try to work through it.” 

“But, I mean don’t people, like, expect a lot from you?” 

“Let me put it this way, no one’s perfect. If we were, the etiquette books would never have been needed, shows like “Friends” and “Seinfield” would have no basis, and no one would ever get fired. But dude, none of us are perfect!”

“True, true. I just would think that by being an expert you really have to watch it.”

“What I do feel pressure to do, is to fix problems. Some stuff you just let slide. (Just the same way others sometimes cut you some slack.) I feel a lot of pressure to deal with issues and make them right. Take my sister and me for instance, yesterday we bickered about some work-related stuff, and we both had pretty strong points. While it was one brief moment of communication breakdown, we both reflected and tried to find common ground and understanding with one another, and we did. I mean it worked! Our goal wasn’t “prove the other one wrong,” our goal was to understand why the other was upset, and come to a reasonable consensus, so that it doesn’t happen again. It wasn’t easy at first, but when we really stepped back and looked at the situation, we thought about it and came to a mutual understanding. Afterward, you could really feel that we had strengthened our communication by dealing with it when it broke down.”

5 Travel Etiquette Tips

 

Having flown four times in the past five days, I thought I’d go over a little bit of travel etiquette, cause we need it!

 1. First things first, before you even get to the airport, prepare yourself. The line at the ticket counter, and security could both be long, longer than you might expect. So, be prepared by giving yourself enough time to really get through the whole process. Depending on your local airport a recommended 2 hours is pretty standard, you can also call ahead.

 2. If lines are long, don’t take it out on the staff. It’s not their fault, the people at the ticket counters and security areas, are there to help move you safely and effectively through to your gate. Remember they’re trying to help you, and have been in the middle of it all day long. You maybe shocked by what you see, but they’ve been dealing with it constantly.

 3. Manners matter. “Please,” “Thank You,” “I understand,” “I appreciate,” “Excuse me” are all phrases to learn and repeat frequently, but it’s more than just saying these things.  “Thank you” through gritted teeth still sounds wretched. Being patronizing, or demeaning, and commenting on how poorly the process works isn’t going to move you any faster. Impatience only makes you and the people around you more frustrated and more likely to make mistakes or become irrational. If you have a suggestion on how to make things move more smoothly call, email, or write customer service.

 4. The dreaded flight delay. I told you about my Jet Blue delay the other day. Be understanding, I know it’s hard when the airline attendants aren’t telling you anything, but just remind yourself that they will let you fly when it’s safe to do so. Whether that’s because other planes need to land first (bumping you farther back on list), or there are mechanical problems. There is always a reason, and it’s usually for your safety.

 5. Pre-boarding. I can’t tell you how many times this week when the gate attendants said, “Pre-boarding for parents with kids under 2, and those who need assistance,” and eight college kids, or parents with 6-17-year-olds jumped up, and ran to the gate, or got up, and stood waiting in front of the gate. Either on the plane or in the terminal you’re going to be waiting. If you choose to push your way ahead, you’re going to be waiting in a smaller space (the plane) and everyone  will climb over you to get to their seats. By standing and crowding the gate area you’re making it more difficult for those with strollers, walkers, wheelchairs or other assistance. “Please remain seated until your row is called.” Don’t worry you won’t be left behind.

GO JET BLUE

I'm stuck at Burlington's Airport and have been since 3pm.  (It's 6pm) my flight was supposed to leave at 4:30 it's now scheduled to leave at 9pm.  The crew is here. The plane is here.  JFK isn't ready for us though.  So I'm stuck, I can't go home, I can't go get dinner because as soon as JFK gives the ok this flight is boarding and taking off! 
So I asked if i could order a pizza or would security not allow it.  They ordered pizzas for the entire flight!  Thank you Jet Blue.
I also just found a DVD of Family Guy in my computer from month's ago, so I'm set for a good hunker down session at the airport. 

Patience

Last night Cass and I searched again for apartments.  In doing so I realized that while I want to move, I need to have some patience about doing it.   Cass is looking for an October/November move in date.  I just don't think I can do it.  I really want to search for the right place, maybe even buy a place so that I'm not just wasting my money away renting it out.  Crap.  Now I've gotta tell Cass.  I just can't do it in two months, this is something I really need to be smart about and by rushing into it, I know it will make me freak out later.